10/1/2021

I feel like it’s important to expand on #7 from the above list:

My boyfriend of 3 years left me in July of 2020 for his girlfriend of 8 years.

Couldn’t even keep a false pretense going during quarantine.

A lot of my friends wanted to blow his life up, call him out on his shit. But it takes two to tango, or at least it takes two to sneak around like the lying, hypocritical trash people they are. Maybe the tango was just really great sex between shitty people.

And just take this into consideration - hear me out (read me out?) - WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TO A MAN WHO DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A LINE OF CREDIT?

If he wants two full time relationships to hide the fact that he owns nothing of sellable value other than his bike, I think I won this one.

This is an ongoing issue in my life, you only get 1 of 2 things: great sex, or financial repsponsibility. It’s usually not showing up in the same package. I’ve watched a man measure out the exact grams of coffee he would need to make the perfect pour over, but he couldn’t find my clitoris the night before. This is the contradiction of the “interesting” man: some of them have spent SO MUCH TIME trying to be more introspective or interesting that they fucking FORGOT. to find. the. clitoris.

So if your favorite meal is SANDWICHES you’re probably going to be a great fucking lay. Because I know that you focus your attention on the correct things in life. Like my vagina. And not your coffee scale.